EMO is ELMO

I not sure if there will be anyone coming here to view my blog since its dead for so long le.
i feel like i not carrying out the promise i made to her.
i said that i will let her not have bad impression in relationship.

After Jie talked to me, i have been very confuse.
If i break with her, and go to her, its like i am a flirt who goes for new things.
Ok, i dont care if ppl call me flirt or wat, but right now i am stuck.

1stly, i had not been contacting with dear. mainly cause we have nth to talk about in sms or msn.
we mostly talk alot when we meet, but she can rarely go out. she is so busy.
i know i made a promise to her that i dont mind if she is busy.
but then, that day when i pass her her books and stationary, when i see her, its like i just met a friend, not like i met my girlfriend. it all happened aft she came back from China.

I just have the kind of feeling, if i save this relationship, i am being unfair to Onee-chan.
If i do not go clean with my dear, i might upset Ah boii also.
Haix. i don't what to do.

I love spending times with Team Baka Ninja, and onee-chan is from TBN. i seriously, need to consider very carefully. If not, i might break dear's heart.

I felt neglected by her.

I hope to make a decision fast, that will not hurt anyone. right now, i do not even know if I am still in my dear's heart. i felt like i am someone no longer important to her. we do not have common interest, thats one thing.

Jie, i need your help, i am seriously in a dilema... :'( I was so confident in the past, that i will brg happiness to dear... things sud change, when she is so busy and we can't meet.
I know i promised her that i will not leave her even if she has no time for me. She was scared, thats y, cause she saw bad example from her friend, who had her boyfriend leave her coz she is busy.

Its not right to two time, i know that. I am not right now. I will break many 2 people's heart if i do so. In the end, i might even hurt myself.

Isit because i am still immature for this? Maybe Veron is right, at our age, we should not really get into relationship.

But, i am someone, who needs attention, i know that. That is why i want a girlfriend. I do not wish to be neglected. Family's attention is diff, though i have my family's attention. I need someone who i can really talk to.

I need someone's hand to hold,
Someone to hug on,
and stay together no matter what.
Isit so hard to get into relationship?

She is the one who melted my heart and let me have the feeling of getting in love again, but she is also the one, who is gonna harden it again. till i meet onee-chan. Mayb she is more understanding... i dont know i dont know.

I cant possibly walk a step and count a step. meaning letting things carry on like this.
i must do something to it, but what? I scared i will make someone sad, and heartbreak.
I just feel that, if i get together with my dear, onee-chan will be happy for me, but she will leave me. i will lose her. either way, i will lose one of them.

Things always happen at the wrong time. Esp for me this kind of person. I know i need someone who is able to look after me. that is because i am very childish. But i know i am able to look after her too. I need someone who can lend me a listening ear. I can't believe it that i have this day.

I need to brainwash, seriously.
I wish to forget everything and start all over again.

Its like very surprising. on the last day of chalet, i woke up, and the 1st person i see is onee-chan. i open my eyes and she is in front of me. Though i was shock, i hope that it will happen everyday. The 1st person to see when i wake up is her. OMG, i need help.

Jie, help me. I don't know if you are able to help me anot. :'(